Writing Sample

My favorite writing from this class is the plot writing. I'm proud of how I created suspense  and I really liked my topic. However, the best part was the plot twists at the end. I apologize for the length.

Katie Williams

Let me start off by telling you; she said no.

Everyone has that one girl, where you take one look at her and know, just know, that she is going to be the one for you. Sadly, this wasn’t the case for me.

The way her blonde hair reflects the sunlight, or how her blue eyes light up when she gets excited, or when she taps her unpolished fingernails against the wooden table when she’s impatient; it’s the little things, I loved the most.

Meet Katie Johnson. I was infatuated with her. Where she went, I went too. I grew accustomed to the swish of her pony tail and the click of her shoes on the cold tile as she walked ahead of me. The only problem was; she had a boyfriend. And to further my distress, his name was Ben.

Ben Smith – Boyfriend to Katie, best friend to me.

It seemed unfair, how the world could do this to me. Cupid shot me with an arrow and seemed to forget to do the same to Katie. It was always Ben Smith and Katie Johnson. Why can’t it be me and Katie Johnson?

Just then I looked across the room. Ben and Katie were arguing. I could tell from the way her eyebrows furrowed as she spoke and the way he frantically moved his hands that they were fighting. She was wearing a pink bow in her hair and a jean jacket with small, matching jewels on the buttons. “Why can’t you listen to me Ben?” She shouted, drawing scrutiny from several people in the café.

Could this be what I’ve been hoping for? Could this be the end of their relationship?

Realizing the attention they gained, Ben’s face was cast downwards.  His eyes were inspecting his shoes like it was the most interesting thing in the world. Immediately, I felt guilty for hoping my friends would break up, but I couldn’t help it.

“Katie! I…I…” Ben stuttered obscurely.

Looking at Katie brought a smile to my face. Her face was flushed a faint tint of rosy pink and her eyes darted around the mass of people, looking anywhere but Ben.

“That’s it,” she whispered so lowly the sound barely reached my ears. “I can’t do this anymore.” Ben’s eyes snapped up in surprise and my eyes widened, taking in the scene in front of me. She broke up with him. I can’t believe it! This was a dream come true, but he looked stunned.

Hesitating for a second, I headed towards Ben and gave him an insincere pat on the back. His eyes were blank and his mouth was turned down in a frown.

“Sorry Bro,” I whispered.

            He looked up, meeting my eyes for half a second. “It’s ok,” Ben said. His melancholy expression dissolved away quickly. “Let’s just go play a game or something…” Ben didn’t seem the least bit upset, especially seeing as they were dating since September. If I were him, there was no way I’d let Katie get away that easily.

That was when I started creating a love letter for Katie. Ben was not in the mood for my coloring, so he left to play around in the kitchen. My big lettered scrawl was slanted on the paper. As I wrote, the marker smeared due to me being left handed. Looking over my handiwork, I bit my lip and frowned. In doing so, I could feel my front teeth wiggle a tad; consequently I rapidly released my lip from its grasp.

I wanted the card to be as perfect as she was, and it was far from that. Expeditiously, I threw it in the scrap paper bin and restarted with a new fuchsia sheet.

On the other side of the room, I could hear a high pitched giggle escaping Katie’s lips. Unconsciously, another grin formed on my face. But, when my gaze wandered across to where the sound was elicited, I scowled. Her fingers were interlocked with Jeremy’s. My stomach twisted with jealousy and I couldn’t break away from what I was witnessing. She moves fast.

            Kate looked across at me and we made eye contact. It seemed like we were staring for eternity. But, then she shrugged and turned away, clutching his hand even tighter. If I am going to ask her, I need to do it before the day is over.

            The butterflies in my stomach grew bigger and bigger the longer I waited to talk to her. My heart was pounding out of my chest and I could hear blood rushing in my ears. It was time to do it, I don’t need a love letter, I’ll just ask her.

            Maybe if I had flowers, or a ring, she would’ve agreed. But instead I walked over to her, tripping in the process, and got on one knee. Then I blurted the words, “Will you marry me?” No prologue or introduction, my proposal was straight to the point.

            Katie jerked backwards in surprise, flinching. Her decision decided whether I would have a white dress, a bouquet of flowers, and a tuxedo in my future, or a night spent by myself. It determined whether or not I would hear, “Ben Williams, will you take Katie Johnson as your wife?”

I was frozen in time, waiting for her response. There was a crowd of people around me now, I could hear the bumping and murmurs that follow a big group of people, but I was focused on the girl standing in front of me.

            She had one eyebrow raised when she finally spoke, “No Ben. I’m with Jeremy now.” I looked over at Jeremy and his smirk hit me in the gut. I nearly doubled over, in pain. Finally, I let out a breath, and with it came the tears. I spun on my heels, reaching for the door in my attempt to escape from the embarrassment behind me. My feet were pounding into the ground, creating a small thud with each impact.

            I’d never been so embarrassed in my life.

            I could hear the striking of heels behind me, alerting me someone was following close behind. Then, I heard someone call my name. Quickly I hid in the stairwell, not in the mood for being reprimanded about being somewhere I wasn’t supposed to be. Her voice was soft, nice, and trusting.

            When I revealed myself, the woman rushed over to me, apologizing for the event I was trying to forget. Her words brought a smile to my face and eventually she led me out of the hallway.

            That was the worst heartbreak of the first grade and also one of my fondest memories. That day, I met and got turned down by my wife, the still beautiful girl now called Katie Williams.

This represents the plot because it consists of entertaining events and suspense. For example, the reader doesn't know how he will tell Katie or how exactly she will respond. The plot twist really adds to the story because it puts it all in perspective. Before you learn he was a little kid, the reader probably felt bad for him. But after his age is revealed, it is more humorous. Lastly, I think the beginning had plot because even though it told her reaction, someone reading it probably wanted to know why. Overall, I'm proud of this piece of writing and it is my favorite from this class. 

How I Met Your Mother: Character

This scene of How I Met Your Mother is a collection of different moments in the episode where Marshall and Lily break up. They have been together since the first day of college, nine years, and are about to get married, but Lily has cold feet. She is a painter and a kindergarden teacher who had dreams of traveling the world. Marshall is getting his degree to be an environmental lawyer. Another thing you need to know about this scene is that when Lily and Marshall fight, they tend to last days, so, they decided at any time during an arguement they could say pause to stop the fighting. That's why they weren't yelling at eachother while they were talking about pudding and Ted. He is their roomate and the one who found Marshall sitting on the steps at the end.

 

It think this is a good representation of character because even though they are fighting, you can get a sense of how they act when they aren't. This individul scene wraps up their essence well because this is a tragedy and they are the type of people who can joke about it. Also, this demonstrates relational conflict because they are breaking up and there is nothing Marshall can do to change Lily's mind. This is just something she has to do. Lastly, I think the dialogue fits the characters extremely well in this scene.

The Blind Side: Impactful Moment

This is a scene from the end of the movie "The Blind Side" and I think it is an extremely powerful part. The two people hugging in the movie are Michael Oher, an extremely talented football player, and his adoptive mother, Mrs. Tuohy. They are saying goodbye on his first day of college. Earlier that year, she'd found him on the streets and offered him to stay at their home. From then on, he was her son.

Please ignore the subtitles.

I really like that scene because, even though nothing is actually happening, it is one of the most important scenes in the movie. The dialogue suggests how easily things could have been utterly different. It teaches us that it's always important to make the right decisions and do the right things, like she did. I also really like the detail of the newspaper because it really adds to the emotion of the video. Overall, I think this scene works for me because it wraps up the entire movie perfectly and gives the viewer something to think about.

Ill-Advised Story: A Horrendous Haircut

Mischievous, smart, and Persuasive.

Those are three words to describe my neighbor as a six-year-old. Whenever you’re a kid, your friends are your neighbors. Whoever you've got living in that brick house next to you is who you’re stuck with. So, my best friend was Maggie Fisk.

We had known each other since I first moved here when I was two. In that time, we had gotten into many similar situations as the one I’m about to tell you. Such as, getting stuck in a tree, making extremely salty fortune cookies, and numerous lemonade stands where we ran out of lemonade before we had any customers. We would haul my plastic picnic table from my patio to the street corner, mix and stir the lemonade, and then by the time we would carry it out there, every last drop would be gone as if by magic.

But, on this day, the sun was setting in the orange sky and there were no clouds in sight. Today was the day Maggie decided to cut my hair. It was a rash decision; I don’t really think she knew what she wanted to do until the gleam of the scissors caught her green eyes. But, she decided this and that was what we were going to do. And so we did.

Because I was the daughter of every mother’s dreams, of course, I knew this was something that I would regret. And that it was more likely to be in my mom’s nightmares than her dreams. As it just so happened, my troublesome neighbor knew exactly what strings to pull to make me give in.

“Amyyyy?” She said as she tucked her disheveled brown hair behind her ear.

That was the voice Maggie made when she wanted to do something she knew I wouldn't. I had come to recognize the subtle change in pitch and the way her eyebrows scrunched together.

“I have an idea,” she’d say. She had lots of ideas.

“Let me cut your hair!” The excitement and volume in her voice grew with each word and I could tell I wasn’t going to like the next sentence that came out of her minuscule mouth.

“Listen, Amy. If I want to be a hair cutter when I grow up, I’m going to need to practice!”

Somehow, that made perfect sense in my five-year-old head. But that’s the thing when you’re a kid, you don’t think too much; you just do.

So I did. And she took snippet after snippet of hair off my head until the ends were as uneven as a broken shard of glass, and I had a slight bald spot on the back of my head. The floor was littered with varying lengths of my scraggly hair. It was stuck to the mirror, wall, and shower.

Needless to say, Maggie was proud of her work despite the mess and she wanted to show off her skills. But I’m not quite sure our parents were the correct audience for this.

We stood in front of my blue wooden front door and rang the doorbell. It seemed like eternity as we stood there. Bees buzzed around the flowerpot, birds sung at the top of the blossoming trees, and yet no one was coming to the door. But then, we heard the soft thuds of shoes hitting the carpeted floor. The door swished open, there stood my speechless mother. Her mouth transformed into an ‘o’ and her smile disappeared faster than a cheetah can run. And then she just burst into tears. Her teardrops ran down her cheek and started to drip off her chin. Eyes wide, Maggie ran home as fast as she could possibly go and I ran inside before my mom could say another word. It turns out it was just a bad day for my mom, but I’m pretty sure I just looked awful.

And the truth of the matter is Maggie did not grow up to be a hair cutter. She does not do anything related to hair, scissors, or cosmetology in general. So I guess all of that was really for nothing.

One thing I think I did well was plot and voice. I really believe that you could hear my voice through my words and I think the plot was interesting. Also, I struggled with descriptive words in my first draft, and I really worked hard to add them in. I think I did a pretty good job with it. Lastly, I'm proud of the end because I like how it brings up something I said earlier in the story.

Final Blog Reflection

In this blog post, I think I did a really good job incorporating voice. Some examples of this are when I said, “Divergent is a good book. Great even. And there are many things I like about it!” (Paragraph One), “If that is not a cliffhanger I don't know what is.” (Paragraph 5), and “(Or Christina, really.)” (Paragraph 7). These three are just examples. There were many other words or phrases that show my voice as well. These showcase my personality as a writer because I am an enthusiastic and somewhat sarcastic writer. In the first quote, not only did I let you know that divergent is great; I told you how great it was and how passionate I am about it. The reader can learn about me through those words and know that I really am enthusiastic. When I explained that it was a cliffhanger in quote three, I didn't just say; that was a cliffhanger. I infused that sentence with my own voice. I made it extremely clear that the example I gave was definitely a cliffhanger, and that I was completely positive of it. Not only did it tell the reader how sure of myself I was, it feels like you are having a conversation with me. In a blog post, people don’t want to read extremely high or elevated diction because we won’t feel like we will relate to the author. As readers, we like to gain a relationship to the author through their book, column, or blog. Lastly, in the third quote, I poked fun at the story. The reader can learn that I am a somewhat humorous, sarcastic, and not to be taken too seriously. In all of the types of literature we read, we learn about the writer, whether subconsciously or not. I think I made it clear what type of writer I am through my voice in my blog posts.

My choices of diction and syntax were not incidental. I did them on purpose. For example, I used the word, “boring” in my last paragraph. This is low or informal diction. I chose to use boring instead of dull, monotonous, or tedious because I wanted a word that everyone could understand. I don’t know anyone who hasn't at some time or another said: School is boring. I’m bored. And etc. Everyone knows how it feels to be bored. If there was an extremely educated person and an extremely under educated person reading my blog, they would both understand it! That’s exactly what I want to happen. In the last paragraph, I ask a rhetorical question. This creates a relationship between my reader and I and makes them feel like I am talking directly to them. Another syntax technique I used was unique punctuation. Several times, I would interrupt myself with a short phrase or sentence that either contributed to the voice in my blog, or added to my point. One of these times is when I said, “(Of course you turn the page. You can’t just end on that!)” in the fifth paragraph. I think using parenthesis to do this is an excellent way to interject and let the reader know that this snippet of text is an addition to my writing. Also, I chose to structure my blog in smaller paragraphs because I think it is much easier to read that way. These are just a few of the examples, and I’m sure if you read my blog, you could find even more!

Best Thing about Divergent: Cliffhanger

Divergent is a great book. Great even. And there are many things I like about it! But my absolute favorite is how suspenseful it is. At the end of every page and chapter, there is almost always a cliffhanger that keeps the pages turning. A cliffhanger is, "A plot device in fiction which features a main character in a precarious or difficult dilemma, or confronted with a shocking revelation at the end of an episode of serialized fiction." (Danielle 1). Or, to put it simply, it is something authors put in their books to keep it interesting.

An example of this is at the end of chapter nine:

"She drops to the ground."

Christina had been hanging off an extremely high railing and since they live in dauntless no one could help her up. She had to use her own strength, and obviously it wasn't enough.

If that is not a cliffhanger I don't know what it is. This is literally a life or death moment and as you turn the page (of course you turn the page. You can't just end on that!) you find yourself asking questions. Does she die? Does she just get hurt? And if you are like me, you'll find yourself pleading with the author, as if you can do anything to change it. Please don't let her die! I like Christina!

No matter how emotional you get when you read, you will find that if an author uses a cliffhanger, it will be extremely hard to put the book down.

I really like cliffhangers in books because I like when the plot is really eventful. I think books are boring when nothing really happens. When authors just leave me hanging (Or Christina, really) it keeps my thoughts from drifting away, and isn't the whole point of this book to entertain? It wouldn't be doing it's job if it wasn't intriguing.

What I Want to Read Next

I know that I am still reading Divergent, but I would like to take a second and talk about the next two books.  You can probably tell I'm excited for them! See the links below for more information. Have any of you read them? Leave me a comment whether you liked them or not in the comment section below!

Insurgent and Allegiant:

These books are the second and third in the Divergent Series. I want to read these next because I really enjoyed the first book in their series. Honestly, I don't know anyone who didn't like them. I also love Veronica Roth's writing style. I wonder how they will be different from Divergent. From the summary for Insurgent (see below for the link) I can tell that it will be very suspenseful. It mentions shocking choices and sacrifices. How could she sacrifice more? She has already abandoned her family and been physically beaten! I predict that she will run away because that would be a huge sacrifice. She would be leaving her new friends, childhood, and family. I think she will have to do this because she is in danger because she has a divergent mind. The first thing I notices about Allegiant's  cover is how different it is. The first two have the same basic set up whereas it it much more modern. I believe this book will wrap up any loose ends of the first two as well as have it's own conflict and plot line. Mrs. Bross has told me that she didn't like it as much as the others because Veronica Roth rushed it. I'm hoping I will still enjoy it, anyways.


Here is the Goodreads summary for Insurgent.
Here is the Goodreads summary for Allegiant.